Musings of a 30-year old child

I intended to publish this post on my birthday, but I wasn't able to. Life got in the way, I guess. Better late than never, right?

I don't know why my birthday always makes me melancholic. Maybe it's because that day forces me to take a step back and reflect on how my past year went. It's hard to be confronted with ghosts of the past who, more often than not, turn out to be unwelcome guests. It's kind of a downer when you find yourself faced with past actions that you're not proud of, or worse, be riddled with thoughts of "shoulda, woulda, coulda's".

So you can just imagine how my 30th is an especially dreaded event. As a kid, I have already thought of the things I will do and have when I'm older. In my mind, by age 30 I would be a successful career woman (my career varied depending on my mood- I'd be a theater actress, an Oscar-winning director, a lawyer, an architect, or a diplomat), I'd have my own house and own car, I'd be rich, have travelled the world, and I'd have someone special by my side. Well, if my 10-year old self saw me now, she'd be sorely disappointed (think Bruce Willis' The Kid).

However, I thought, why should I waste my time being depressed when I could choose to embrace life and celebrate it? As the song Point of View goes, "Can't you see, life's easy? If you consider things in another point of view". Life could be good or bad, depending on how you look at it.

That's why instead of moping around and griping about old age and things I haven't got and done, I've decided to list down things I'm grateful for. Things that have made my 30 years emotion-filled, colorful and wonderful ones. My life may not have turned out the way I imagined and wanted it to be, but I can say that I am very much ok with it. I have been very blessed.

So please indulge me with a little mushiness here. You know I'm not typically sentimental and all gooey inside, so I'm pleading temporary insanity and I'm blaming this on alcohol and old age! :)

Here goes. I'm thankful/grateful for:

1. My parents. Well, aside from the most obvious reason that I wouldn't be here without them, I'm thankful that they are who they are. You gotta be made of tough stuff to raise a child like me, given that I have always been outspoken, strong-willed and independent. So for them to put up with my craziness for 30 years, they deserve to be considered for sainthood at the very least. They've showered us with love, given me and my siblings a comfortable life, often making sacrifices to shield us from pain and hardships. And for that I will forever be grateful.

2. My siblings. Growing up with 3 younger siblings has been a fun ride. It was always nice to have someone to bully. Haha! Just kidding. Seriously, I couldn't imagine growing up without my brothers and sister. They have been unwilling witnesses to my infamous mood swings, and a loyal audience to my jokes and funny antics. We've survived several adventures and misadventures, often with scraped knees and bruised arms. We have had our differences and gone through rough patches in the past, but what brother or sister has not experienced that? At the end of the day, we're still bound by love and blood, and nothing can change that. I love you guys dearly and will fight for you to the death. I am and will always be your Ate.

3. Friends. How lonely would life be, if one doesn't have friends! Best friends, good friends, work friends, college friends, high school friends, old friends and new friends: I thank all of you for being there with me in my life's highs and lows. In some way or another, you have shaped me into who I am now. Life's a party with all of you around. :)

4. Health. I'm far from being fit or in shape, but I'm just thankful that I don't have any illness or disease. I don't care if I don't have a Victoria's Secret model body, as long as I'm not sick I'm happy.

5. My job. It may not be my dream job and I may gripe about it often, but I am still very thankful that I have it. In this current economic environment, I am very lucky to be employed as I'm sure there are millions out there who'd die to trade places with me. If not for my job, I won't have money (obviously), I'd never have been able to travel, and I'd never have met some of the most wonderful people I now call friends. So, thank you, job! :)

6. Books. Growing up without books would have been a nightmare! They have been my constant companions (together with TV) all throughout my childhood. They have opened up the world to me and have showed me some of the best adventures of my life. I wouldn't have known Harry, Mr. Darcy and the Corleones or have gone to Mordor, Neverland, and Tara without them. I'd say me and books, have the greatest love affair.

7. Being Filipino. The Philippines may be far from perfect-- what with poverty, corruption, huge foreign debt, and all the other problems facing it-- but I'd never trade it for any other country. How can one not love the wonderful weather, magnificent natural resources, and amazing people? I guess that's why we're one of the happiest people in the world, because we always manage to see the brighter side in every bad situation. I love the Philippines, warts and all. I just hope all the other Filipinos see what I see in her.

8. Self-love. This one's 30 years in the making. It's more than being self-confident and believing in myself. I love myself enough to embrace my flaws and accept that they are part of who I am. I am more comfortable in my own skin now, and I couldn't care less what people think of how I look. I have my own opinions and am not afraid to share them (as long as I don't hurt anyone, of course). Love starts with one's self. If you don't love your own self, who else would?

9. Being a woman. I used to wish I had been a guy, because I thought I could do more- travel alone to different places, get ahead in the corporate ladder, et cetera. But I have slowly realized that I could do all those things and more. I have seen lots of women change the world, and they do it with much passion, strength, and grace. I've never been more proud of being a woman!

10. Being Alive. This I owe to God. He's the one who's given me life, and He could easily take it away. I guess the reason why I'm still here is that I have yet to serve my purpose on Earth. I'm not sure yet on what His plans for me are, but I know I'll be fine because He is with me.


The list is long, but since I'm not here to write a novel, the 10 will do for now. Suffice it to say that I have a million other things to be thankful for, and all of them will forever be treasured in my heart.

P.S. My 30th birthday celebration was a blast, thanks to a 3-day weekend partying. I had so much fun, too much booze, and too many things to do that I didn't have time to wallow in self-pity. Cheers to 30!